new vampire zeke

hey people am a new vampire walking around

name: Zeke

age: 23

Gender: Male

Physical

he has white skin, brown eyes, and athletic body thanks to the martial arts practice, hes a little bit tall , like 1.80 m , he has a little scar on the face, as a ressult of all the battles he fought, his weight is 150 lbs, strong legs, a tatto on the back, if he focuses enought, he can increase his muscles size , increasing his attacks destructive power, white teeths, a quite handsome man

he works since he was young so he has a great stamina, and good reflexes, but his eyes have an special thing , when he get angry , his eyes color change, becoming blue, or something red, depending how much anger he feels


clothes

he alway look very formal, a white shirt, black, jakcket for the daytime , , black pants, black shoes, a large cape that cover all his body in the night, gloves and sunglases to hide his eyes when change of color







Weapons

1x automatic "silver hunter " revolver (shoot 6 rounds of 10 bullets ) ( bullet made of blessed plate melted with titanium)

1x automatic combat pistol " black panther " ( 8 rounds of 10 bullets each one) (bullets made of blessed mercury which explodes at the contact )

1 holy sword blessed for the Vaticano called " angel blade " ( gold with melted plate) able to kill any "non-dead" being
, able to regenerate no matter the damage


Race: F class Vampire

Abilities:

vampiric power:

meagre supernatural strength, agility, stamina, durability, and reflexes, great weakness to silver and blessed weaponry to a point its fatal to be hit by one, easily killable just as a human is, ability to turn virgins into weak vampires like themselves, non-virgins into very weak ghouls, susceptible to unblessed damage, like pistols, rockets, even swords, he need to drink blood often, he becomes weak with the sunlight (thats why he have a the cape).




Martial Arts Knowledge:

because of his hard training , he practice the muay thay, and discipline that have pushed his senses , strenght, will, and live to the human limits, all this skiels were upgraded after becoming vampire, so now he could be the strongest F class vampire in close-combat


weapons experience

during the time he stay in the underworld, he learn to use the weapons, because much battles allow the fightter to use pistols, he must learn or he could died, he has excellent accuary, that he combine with his great reflexes to make incredible things, after he leave this fight he get jobs as bodyguard, mercenary, even as an detective, all this gave him an vast experience with many kinds of weapons like pistols, knifes, swords

personality

he is a very calm person, the ostly of times, but whe hegets anger he could become into an infernal monster , thi is because his childhood, he can never show hi soft side or he couldnt survive so he always look distant but is not bad, not at allwhen he become into a vampire , his darkness within awake, showing his beast side, anger and a sadic mentality, buthe must controle this desires or he could go bersek


organization: Hellsing

Biography

he born in an poor town , with a sick mother and a alcoholic father, the father die when he was 5 years old, to mantenue his mom, he began to work at a young age, but it wasnt enought , he began to work for bad people, who stole mostly of the money that he gets, when he born 9 years old, her mother sickness increase even more, for pay the hospital bill, he make a deal that he never should do, he start to fight for money
because of his little body , he has no chance of victory, this man accep to be " his manager " and the payed four years of medical attention for his mother , but zeke must pay him in with the underworld fights money or he will cancel the founds for his mom, so zeke he begin an infernal training during 4 years pushing him to the limits and near to the dead many times, but his will to heal his mother gave him the strengh to go on, after he end the trainins, he get a body stronger than a adult man, the result was amazing, he could defeat any opponent in the ring, so he easly start to make much money in the fights , any kind of them, close combat, weapon combat, when he was forteen he believe that he could left the fights because his mother sickness has finally been cured, four years passed and zeke could finally return to his agent all the money that he spend for his mom medical attention, but his agent dont accept, saying thathe was his body owner because he was who save his mom

but he say no, that night when he go back home, everything was destroyed, he search his mom and he found it, but with a head shot, in this moment he know perfectly well who did it. his agent

when he go for revenge, he was attacked from behind by him and his followers, they blind him, cut his tonge, and throw it in the mountains, zeke was near to the dead , then he heard a voice "what is this, an idiot in the forest , hey kid tell me something do you wanna survive ?
he answers yes
then the voice says: " ok in that case ill heal you and give you something very special "

and after that he begin to feel an horribe pain, even worst that any kicj, pucnch or weapon cut, he awake at the next day , for his surprise he recover his eyes, tonge everything , not only that, he feel very week , when he was touched for the sunshine, so he hide on a cave and he found a letter in his pocket, he dont know how but he can read it even in the darkness and says:

"hey kid , let me explain you this fast and quick, am a vampire and now you too, i gave you the power for survive if you wanna die later , this is not my problem, right now you may feel week with the sun, be carefull, if you receive too much sun light , youll die, o right look in your pocket , here I left you an box that represent you as a member of an special " Project", hear ill explain you , in this world there are many kinds of vampires, f class, e class, b class, the a class and the ultimate ones " true nosferatus" , I became you into an vampire because i ammaking an experiment which consist in create many vampires with the potential to become in tru nosferatus , thats why i saved you, now for end this ill tell you . if you dont become in true nosferatu quickly , if any other of the experiment subjects become true nosferatu ill must search all the others subjects and kill them , including you, well dont worry about this , now for recover all your strength you must drink blood first or you coul die , so bye! "



zeke was shocked, but he believed in the vampire words, but now hothing of this matters, he must drink blood quickly or he will die, so he wait to the night and come to his agent place, the nex thing he do was kill every person in front of him, he finally could revenge his mom, after that he burn all the place and leave the village that same night.
he traveled around the world manyyaers manking dangeous jobs,almost impossibles for a human, but he doesn have trouble, at the time he start to feel hollow, traveling always and hidden of the world, kill every day to survive, one night when he was sleeping he remenbered something write in that letter that he completely forgot " here I left you an box that represent you as a member of an special Project". he look the box inside his bags and he couldn believe how he never open it during all these years
when he open the box he found the hellsing address write on a paper,so he knew what the must do , go to the hellsing organization

RP SAMPLE


It was a dark night on a poor street, where the scum is always around you , shoot sounds in the distance and the fear is always present, in this horrible night when no person go out of home, a men walking like nothing, around all the criminals, and the dead bodies, smoking like nothing,drinking a beer, like nothing cares about him , even his own life, of course, he wasnt alone, since two streets ago, a group of persons were following him, they were so quiet and no one could detect them

in a moment the light streets shut down,at this moment the mens go against the lonely man, the attck him with knifes, but after anyone could do something the man make a gigant jump in the air and stand in a car roof,the gangs were shocked, but it doesnt matter, if we cant kill him with knifes, the well use aour guns, but before they can use their guns, the man was stand just in front of the , and in a second he send them to the air like toys, anyone of these guys survive. the man still walking in the night leaving all these corpses behind him.

he still walking around and see something very shocking for him, a women very similarto its mom, she was being attacked by a group of mens trying to stole her, he could hold back and moving at an incredible speed he get closer enought that the guys could watch him


" what do you want idiot??ask one of the man

"to only wish that the world was not full of shit like you"" ??say zeke

" jajajjajaja, well, well, looks like this guy want to die here ""


" you guys are the only ones wo will die here "



" o yeah, eat this"
the guy shoot to zeke head, but zeke doesnt feel nothing

"is that all youve got ??"


" what is this, this guy dont die, hey friends help me lets kill him will all our bullet"

the mans shoot all their bullets against zeke and even when they run out of bullets zeke still standind

"whwhwhat aaare youu ? why we cant kill you? ""


" jajaja, two questions and one answer, only a vampire can kill antoher vampire ""
zeke move at full speed, carving up its bodies, squashing its heads against the floor and drinking its blood

"it will break them that way even if I drink its blood you wont become in ghouls "


hey are you okay ?


stay away from me monster, ahhhh

the women run away scared like she saw the devil itself

well i dont care, she is not "my mother", anyway im a monster, thats my existence
the lonely man keep walking until the end of the night

You made several of the improvements I asked for and I am very grateful. However, I'm sorry to say that I just can't approve this sheet in it's current state. The grammar and spelling errors are too apparent and several details still don't add up. My biggest concern is this sword of yours which apparently negates any form of regeneration. First off that's a ridiculous ability, second your OC is a low tier vampire. He shouldn't even be ablt to hold a weapon as holy as that sword. Finally, several of the sections, personality in particular, are just too short. I'm sorry man, but I can't turn a blind eye to this.

APPROVALS: 00

DISAPPROVALS: 01

zeke wrote:

hey people am a new vampire walking around

name: Zeke

age: 23

Gender: Male

Physical

he has white skin, brown eyes, and athletic body thanks to the martial arts practice, hes a little bit tall , like 1.80 m , he has a little scar on the face, as a ressult of all the battles he fought, his weight is 150 lbs, strong legs, a tatto on the back, if he focuses enought, he can increase his muscles size , increasing his attacks destructive power, white teeths, a quite handsome man

he works since he was young so he has a great stamina, and good reflexes, but his eyes have an special thing , when he get angry , his eyes color change, becoming blue, or something red, depending how much anger he feels

peronality

he has two personalities, one is very calm and gentle, always worry about the other people, and always is trying to thelp and do good things, apparently this is the original personality, but because all the troubles that he must face during its childhood, the seed of hatred start to grow in its heart , but after his vampiric rebron, this drak side become even stronger , and still become stronger and stronger, so zeke always must control this darkness within, but there are times when zeke anger is too strons, and he cant controle itself, during this moments he forget everything aand only focuses in kill every being in front of him, thus to stay controlled, zeke lets leave this dark side in some ocaciones, but that everything during its works of mercenary

clothes

he alway look very formal, a white shirt, black, jakcket for the daytime , , black pants, black shoes, a large cape that cover all his body in the night, gloves and sunglases to hide his eyes when change of color, of course , he has much clothes but, these are its favorite ones







Weapons

1x automatic "silver hunter " revolver (shoot 6 rounds of 10 bullets ) ( bullet made of blessed plate melted with titanium)

1x automatic combat pistol " black panther " ( 8 rounds of 10 bullets each one) (bullets made of blessed mercury which explodes at the contact )

1 legendary sword , this sword was used by an old babylonian king in the war, its called " soul hunter " very usefull in the cose-combat ,

Race: F class Vampire

Abilities:

vampiric power:

meagre supernatural strength, agility, stamina, durability, and reflexes, great weakness to silver and blessed weaponry to a point its fatal to be hit by one, easily killable just as a human is, ability to turn virgins into weak vampires like themselves, non-virgins into very weak ghouls, susceptible to unblessed damage, like pistols, rockets, even swords, he need to drink blood often, he becomes weak with the sunlight (thats why he have a the cape).




Martial Arts Knowledge:

because of his hard training , he practice the muay thay, and discipline that have pushed his senses , strenght, will, and live to the human limits, all this skiels were upgraded after becoming vampire, so now he could be the strongest F class vampire in close-combat


weapons experience

during the time he stay in the underworld, he learn to use the weapons, because much battles allow the fightter to use pistols, he must learn or he could died, he has excellent accuary, that he combine with his great reflexes to make incredible things, after he leave this fight he get jobs as bodyguard, mercenary, even as an detective, all this gave him an vast experience with many kinds of weapons like pistols, knifes, swords

personality

he is a very calm person, the ostly of times, but whe hegets anger he could become into an infernal monster , thi is because his childhood, he can never show hi soft side or he couldnt survive so he always look distant but is not bad, not at allwhen he become into a vampire , his darkness within awake, showing his beast side, anger and a sadic mentality, buthe must controle this desires or he could go bersek


organization: Hellsing

Biography

he born in an poor town , with a sick mother and a alcoholic father, the father die when he was 5 years old, to mantenue his mom, he began to work at a young age, but it wasnt enought , he began to work for bad people, who stole mostly of the money that he gets, when he born 9 years old, her mother sickness increase even more, for pay the hospital bill, he make a deal that he never should do, he start to fight for money
because of his little body , he has no chance of victory, this man accep to be " his manager " and the payed four years of medical attention for his mother , but zeke must pay him in with the underworld fights money or he will cancel the founds for his mom, so zeke he begin an infernal training during 4 years pushing him to the limits and near to the dead many times, but his will to heal his mother gave him the strengh to go on, after he end the trainins, he get a body stronger than a adult man, the result was amazing, he could defeat any opponent in the ring, so he easly start to make much money in the fights , any kind of them, close combat, weapon combat, when he was forteen he believe that he could left the fights because his mother sickness has finally been cured, four years passed and zeke could finally return to his agent all the money that he spend for his mom medical attention, but his agent dont accept, saying thathe was his body owner because he was who save his mom

but he say no, that night when he go back home, everything was destroyed, he search his mom and he found it, but with a head shot, in this moment he know perfectly well who did it. his agent

when he go for revenge, he was attacked from behind by him and his followers, they blind him, cut his tonge, and throw it in the mountains, zeke was near to the dead , then he heard a voice "what is this, an idiot in the forest , hey kid tell me something do you wanna survive ?
he answers yes
then the voice says: " ok in that case ill heal you and give you something very special "

and after that he begin to feel an horribe pain, even worst that any kicj, pucnch or weapon cut, he awake at the next day , for his surprise he recover his eyes, tonge everything , not only that, he feel very week , when he was touched for the sunshine, so he hide on a cave and he found a letter in his pocket, he dont know how but he can read it even in the darkness and says:

"hey kid , let me explain you this fast and quick, am a vampire and now you too, i gave you the power for survive if you wanna die later , this is not my problem, right now you may feel week with the sun, be carefull, if you receive too much sun light , youll die, o right look in your pocket , here I left you an box that represent you as a member of an special " Project", hear ill explain you , in this world there are many kinds of vampires, f class, e class, b class, the a class and the ultimate ones " true nosferatus" , I became you into an vampire because i ammaking an experiment which consist in create many vampires with the potential to become in tru nosferatus , thats why i saved you, now for end this ill tell you . if you dont become in true nosferatu quickly , if any other of the experiment subjects become true nosferatu ill must search all the others subjects and kill them , including you, well dont worry about this , now for recover all your strength you must drink blood first or you coul die , so bye! "



zeke was shocked, but he believed in the vampire words, but now hothing of this matters, he must drink blood quickly or he will die, so he wait to the night and come to his agent place, the nex thing he do was kill every person in front of him, he finally could revenge his mom, after that he burn all the place and leave the village that same night.
he traveled around the world manyyaers manking dangeous jobs,almost impossibles for a human, but he doesn have trouble, at the time he start to feel hollow, traveling always and hidden of the world, kill every day to survive, one night when he was sleeping he remenbered something write in that letter that he completely forgot " here I left you an box that represent you as a member of an special Project". he look the box inside his bags and he couldn believe how he never open it during all these years
when he open the box he found the hellsing address write on a paper,so he knew what the must do , go to the hellsing organization

RP SAMPLE


It was a dark night on a poor street, where the scum is always around you , shoot sounds in the distance and the fear is always present, in this horrible night when no person go out of home, a men walking like nothing, around all the criminals, and the dead bodies, smoking like nothing,drinking a beer, like nothing cares about him , even his own life, of course, he wasnt alone, since two streets ago, a group of persons were following him, they were so quiet and no one could detect them

in a moment the light streets shut down,at this moment the mens go against the lonely man, the attck him with knifes, but after anyone could do something the man make a gigant jump in the air and stand in a car roof,the gangs were shocked, but it doesnt matter, if we cant kill him with knifes, the well use aour guns, but before they can use their guns, the man was stand just in front of the , and in a second he send them to the air like toys, anyone of these guys survive. the man still walking in the night leaving all these corpses behind him.

he still walking around and see something very shocking for him, a women very similarto its mom, she was being attacked by a group of mens trying to stole her, he could hold back and moving at an incredible speed he get closer enought that the guys could watch him


" what do you want idiot??ask one of the man

"to only wish that the world was not full of shit like you"" ??say zeke

" jajajjajaja, well, well, looks like this guy want to die here ""


" you guys are the only ones wo will die here "



" o yeah, eat this"
the guy shoot to zeke head, but zeke doesnt feel nothing

"is that all youve got ??"


" what is this, this guy dont die, hey friends help me lets kill him will all our bullet"

the mans shoot all their bullets against zeke and even when they run out of bullets zeke still standind

"whwhwhat aaare youu ? why we cant kill you? ""


" jajaja, two questions and one answer, only a vampire can kill antoher vampire ""
zeke move at full speed, carving up its bodies, squashing its heads against the floor and drinking its blood

"it will break them that way even if I drink its blood you wont become in ghouls "


hey are you okay ?


stay away from me monster, ahhhh

the women run away scared like she saw the devil itself

well i dont care, she is not "my mother", anyway im a monster, thats my existence
the lonely man keep walking until the end of the night

on the following day, in the first page in all the newspapers of the city " was written; monster carves up four people in street 15 ", that news article on the happened massacre the previous night in which a man of unknown identity, was recorded by the chamber of monitoring of an establishment while he broke the bodies of four not known men, evidently this I cause great a panic one in the population, that got to think that habia a demon or a vampire in the city, before this news, zeke did not have another option but that to leave the city volume the bus nocturne of 9pm, while the bus went to the international airport of Spain, the mind of zeke comenzo to fill of memories, the majority of them was painful, since it remembered the happy times that it happened with his mother, but also remembered the people who habian ruined their life, and as podia remembered not to stop thinking about which she was written in the note by the vampire I transform that it, was asked, that pasaria if not volvia a vampire of high category first that the other subjects of experiment. it does not have sense to think it too much, said it to he himself, if not it profit before another one obtains but them, vendra by my and would kill to me. after which zeke arrived at the airport, volume the first flight towards Venice. apparently tapeworm a request of trabajocomo the recognized bodyguard of a gangster one

so your you are my bodyguard? if well, come with me, i will show the place to you

man guied to zeke until a theater left in the outskirts. apparently for an auction of the low world and many families who will use that opportunity to eliminate with their rivals then,

you accept the work or you are scared?

the fear is for that they can to die I havent that problem

jaja you are graceful, I hope to you well tomorrow at midnight

the day of the auction I arrive, were reunited to the main Mafias of the country, apparently because a very valuable article that all wished to have. they spent two hours during which objects of incalculable value were auctioned, paintings, jewels, titles of earth property


now my invited beloveds, Aquilles I show the main article of our auction. qui this but the powerful bacteriological weapon never created, with this nobody will opposite to its power



bacteriological weapon? it hears of which it treats this, nobody said to me that they have something so dangerous


and what is the problem?


are you crazy ? that thing could to kill all the country







that does not matter to me, the only thing that matters to me is the money that i will win




piece of human dreg

zeke behead to its client with its own hands, the head of the man roller by the ground and callus in the scene, after which all realized, zeke under slowly by the stairs followed of the blood


they are the worst thing in this world, does not concern whatever to them die, only concerns the money to them,




then all aimed to him with their arms, but to zeke I do not matter to him and while it took one old sword that was between the articles of the auction said: IT WILL KILL THEM TO ALL the following minutes, were a massacre, were listened to the firings, the shouts of people, but the one that but was listened to was a full shout of rage and hatred. to the following morning the police found hundreds of corpses in the theater along with all the articles except the weapon bacteriology which was destroyed by zeke, the sword that use to kill all that only people, and two pistols in the world by its great destructive power

First off, try and use the format we provide. That also includes the first question that must be answered on the sheet format and layout we have.

Quote :

hey people am a new vampire walking around

name: Zeke

age: 23

Gender: Male

Physical

he has white skin, brown eyes, and athletic body thanks to the martial arts practice, hes a little bit tall , like 1.80 m , he has a little scar on the face, as a ressult of all the battles he fought, his weight is 150 lbs, strong legs, a tatto on the back, if he focuses enought, he can increase his muscles size , increasing his attacks destructive power, white teeths, a quite handsome man

he works since he was young so he has a great stamina, and good reflexes, but his eyes have an special thing , when he get angry , his eyes color change, becoming blue, or something red, depending how much anger he feels

Appearance is descriptive enough, but many spelling errors are present and you could use different visual words rather than the word 'little.' Also the word 'something' sticks out like a sore thumb. What? What is this something? Be direct and get to the soul of the appearance.

Quote :

peronality

he has two personalities, one is very calm and gentle, always worry about the other people, and always is trying to thelp and do good things, apparently this is the original personality, but because all the troubles that he must face during its childhood, the seed of hatred start to grow in its heart , but after his vampiric rebron, this drak side become even stronger , and still become stronger and stronger, so zeke always must control this darkness within, but there are times when zeke anger is too strons, and he cant controle itself, during this moments he forget everything aand only focuses in kill every being in front of him, thus to stay controlled, zeke lets leave this dark side in some ocaciones, but that everything during its works of mercenary

Once again, many, many spelling errors. No periods worry me. It runs on, and on, and on, and on, and on.

I'm strict about personality because personality is what makes a character in my book. It has to be fine tuned as in down to boxers or briefs fine tuned; favorite color and all of the above. So I could care less about things such as: clothing of choice, most used punch line, fighting style, history, and rp sample. When a well written, thought out personality section is present, it trumps everything else in my line of sight.

What worries me about this personality is that there's no well thought out logic to it. I can easily predict your movements with this personality and what might be the first motive on your mind. I don't like it and it's far too Edward-Sue to me. The fact that you tossed in 'handsome man' in the appearance only aids to the personality section of this application in a negative fashion.

Quote :

clothes

he alway look very formal, a white shirt, black, jakcket for the daytime , , black pants, black shoes, a large cape that cover all his body in the night, gloves and sunglases to hide his eyes when change of color, of course , he has much clothes but, these are its favorite ones

The Phantom Of The Opera as a vampire, toss in some Zelda, and what is this I see?! ALUCARD!? Nawwwww!

The Phantom in the movie musical from 03 is quite attractive; I love his mysterious appearance, but he's only eye candy. Alucard has his signature appearance. You cannot have the same anything as he. That means gloves and glasses.

Quote :

Weapons

1x automatic "silver hunter " revolver (shoot 6 rounds of 10 bullets ) ( bullet made of blessed plate melted with titanium)

1x automatic combat pistol " black panther " ( 8 rounds of 10 bullets each one) (bullets made of blessed mercury which explodes at the contact )

1 legendary sword , this sword was used by an old babylonian king in the war, its called " soul hunter " very usefull in the cose-combat ,

Quote :

Race: F class Vampire

Could care less because it works... except for the sword. Matthew, Section III would already have that bad ass destroyed in "The Name Of Our Lord Jesus Christ" and/or locked up in a vault forever. Not even Section XIII Iscariot would have access to this baby.

More or less, the Masons and Knights Templar (also related to the Catholic Church in some way), when they were working for the Church, most likely would have taken this sword back to Rome back in.... oh whats the ball park guesstamate on a year (fellow staff members correct me if I am wrong)... 1200's, 1300's, and/or the 1400's.

Fuck if I can remember exactly. There were three crusades to the holy land. Babylon is in that area, so I am most likely going to be thrown off because the only one I can remember from reading up on Masons and/or Knights Templar is the one Holy Crusade with King Richard who was going to Jerusalem... which happened in I think the 1400's. Point is, there's no way on earth, heaven, or in hell you'd have your hands on that sword.

Quote :

Abilities:

vampiric power:

meagre supernatural strength, agility, stamina, durability, and reflexes, great weakness to silver and blessed weaponry to a point its fatal to be hit by one, easily killable just as a human is, ability to turn virgins into weak vampires like themselves, non-virgins into very weak ghouls, susceptible to unblessed damage, like pistols, rockets, even swords, he need to drink blood often, he becomes weak with the sunlight (thats why he have a the cape).

Fine. Could care less 'cept for the virgin part.

Quote :

Martial Arts Knowledge:

because of his hard training , he practice the muay thay, and discipline that have pushed his senses , strenght, will, and live to the human limits, all this skiels were upgraded after becoming vampire, so now he could be the strongest F class vampire in close-combat

Spelling errors, and no; he's not going to be the strongest F class. We have sort of a ranking system for that. No, he's not special in that since. You need to explain clearly and logically how and why he could be the strongest one out there.

Quote :

weapons experience

during the time he stay in the underworld, he learn to use the weapons, because much battles allow the fightter to use pistols, he must learn or he could died, he has excellent accuary, that he combine with his great reflexes to make incredible things, after he leave this fight he get jobs as bodyguard, mercenary, even as an detective, all this gave him an vast experience with many kinds of weapons like pistols, knifes, swords

Whoah whoah whoah.... His stay in the underworld? No F class can go there. Only class that could go there would be True Nosferatu. That means Alucard. Alucard can put you there, but there's no way you can get back out after he's eaten you. Detective!? THIS MAKES NO SEANCE!

Quote :

personality

he is a very calm person, the ostly of times, but whe hegets anger he could become into an infernal monster , thi is because his childhood, he can never show hi soft side or he couldnt survive so he always look distant but is not bad, not at allwhen he become into a vampire , his darkness within awake, showing his beast side, anger and a sadic mentality, buthe must controle this desires or he could go bersek

Why the fuck is this down here!? MOVE IT AND EDIT IT!

Quote :

organization: Hellsing

Integra Hellsing would never have him. She'd feed him to her pet as an appetizer if Alucard wanted something to chew on.

Quote :

Biography

he born in an poor town , with a sick mother and a alcoholic father, the father die when he was 5 years old, to mantenue his mom, he began to work at a young age, but it wasnt enought , he began to work for bad people, who stole mostly of the money that he gets, when he born 9 years old, her mother sickness increase even more, for pay the hospital bill, he make a deal that he never should do, he start to fight for money
because of his little body , he has no chance of victory, this man accep to be " his manager " and the payed four years of medical attention for his mother , but zeke must pay him in with the underworld fights money or he will cancel the founds for his mom, so zeke he begin an infernal training during 4 years pushing him to the limits and near to the dead many times, but his will to heal his mother gave him the strengh to go on, after he end the trainins, he get a body stronger than a adult man, the result was amazing, he could defeat any opponent in the ring, so he easly start to make much money in the fights , any kind of them, close combat, weapon combat, when he was forteen he believe that he could left the fights because his mother sickness has finally been cured, four years passed and zeke could finally return to his agent all the money that he spend for his mom medical attention, but his agent dont accept, saying thathe was his body owner because he was who save his mom

but he say no, that night when he go back home, everything was destroyed, he search his mom and he found it, but with a head shot, in this moment he know perfectly well who did it. his agent

when he go for revenge, he was attacked from behind by him and his followers, they blind him, cut his tonge, and throw it in the mountains, zeke was near to the dead , then he heard a voice "what is this, an idiot in the forest , hey kid tell me something do you wanna survive ?
he answers yes
then the voice says: " ok in that case ill heal you and give you something very special "

and after that he begin to feel an horribe pain, even worst that any kicj, pucnch or weapon cut, he awake at the next day , for his surprise he recover his eyes, tonge everything , not only that, he feel very week , when he was touched for the sunshine, so he hide on a cave and he found a letter in his pocket, he dont know how but he can read it even in the darkness and says:

"hey kid , let me explain you this fast and quick, am a vampire and now you too, i gave you the power for survive if you wanna die later , this is not my problem, right now you may feel week with the sun, be carefull, if you receive too much sun light , youll die, o right look in your pocket , here I left you an box that represent you as a member of an special " Project", hear ill explain you , in this world there are many kinds of vampires, f class, e class, b class, the a class and the ultimate ones " true nosferatus" , I became you into an vampire because i ammaking an experiment which consist in create many vampires with the potential to become in tru nosferatus , thats why i saved you, now for end this ill tell you . if you dont become in true nosferatu quickly , if any other of the experiment subjects become true nosferatu ill must search all the others subjects and kill them , including you, well dont worry about this , now for recover all your strength you must drink blood first or you coul die , so bye! "



zeke was shocked, but he believed in the vampire words, but now hothing of this matters, he must drink blood quickly or he will die, so he wait to the night and come to his agent place, the nex thing he do was kill every person in front of him, he finally could revenge his mom, after that he burn all the place and leave the village that same night.
he traveled around the world manyyaers manking dangeous jobs,almost impossibles for a human, but he doesn have trouble, at the time he start to feel hollow, traveling always and hidden of the world, kill every day to survive, one night when he was sleeping he remenbered something write in that letter that he completely forgot " here I left you an box that represent you as a member of an special Project". he look the box inside his bags and he couldn believe how he never open it during all these years
when he open the box he found the hellsing address write on a paper,so he knew what the must do , go to the hellsing organization

I take it English is not your first language with this... I'm pretty lost, confused, and flabbergasted with this.

Quote :

RP SAMPLE


It was a dark night on a poor street, where the scum is always around you , shoot sounds in the distance and the fear is always present, in this horrible night when no person go out of home, a men walking like nothing, around all the criminals, and the dead bodies, smoking like nothing,drinking a beer, like nothing cares about him , even his own life, of course, he wasnt alone, since two streets ago, a group of persons were following him, they were so quiet and no one could detect them

in a moment the light streets shut down,at this moment the mens go against the lonely man, the attck him with knifes, but after anyone could do something the man make a gigant jump in the air and stand in a car roof,the gangs were shocked, but it doesnt matter, if we cant kill him with knifes, the well use aour guns, but before they can use their guns, the man was stand just in front of the , and in a second he send them to the air like toys, anyone of these guys survive. the man still walking in the night leaving all these corpses behind him.

he still walking around and see something very shocking for him, a women very similarto its mom, she was being attacked by a group of mens trying to stole her, he could hold back and moving at an incredible speed he get closer enought that the guys could watch him


" what do you want idiot??ask one of the man

"to only wish that the world was not full of shit like you"" ??say zeke

" jajajjajaja, well, well, looks like this guy want to die here ""


" you guys are the only ones wo will die here "



" o yeah, eat this"
the guy shoot to zeke head, but zeke doesnt feel nothing

"is that all youve got ??"


" what is this, this guy dont die, hey friends help me lets kill him will all our bullet"

the mans shoot all their bullets against zeke and even when they run out of bullets zeke still standind

"whwhwhat aaare youu ? why we cant kill you? ""


" jajaja, two questions and one answer, only a vampire can kill antoher vampire ""
zeke move at full speed, carving up its bodies, squashing its heads against the floor and drinking its blood

"it will break them that way even if I drink its blood you wont become in ghouls "


hey are you okay ?


stay away from me monster, ahhhh

the women run away scared like she saw the devil itself

well i dont care, she is not "my mother", anyway im a monster, thats my existence
the lonely man keep walking until the end of the night

on the following day, in the first page in all the newspapers of the city " was written; monster carves up four people in street 15 ", that news article on the happened massacre the previous night in which a man of unknown identity, was recorded by the chamber of monitoring of an establishment while he broke the bodies of four not known men, evidently this I cause great a panic one in the population, that got to think that habia a demon or a vampire in the city, before this news, zeke did not have another option but that to leave the city volume the bus nocturne of 9pm, while the bus went to the international airport of Spain, the mind of zeke comenzo to fill of memories, the majority of them was painful, since it remembered the happy times that it happened with his mother, but also remembered the people who habian ruined their life, and as podia remembered not to stop thinking about which she was written in the note by the vampire I transform that it, was asked, that pasaria if not volvia a vampire of high category first that the other subjects of experiment. it does not have sense to think it too much, said it to he himself, if not it profit before another one obtains but them, vendra by my and would kill to me. after which zeke arrived at the airport, volume the first flight towards Venice. apparently tapeworm a request of trabajocomo the recognized bodyguard of a gangster one

so your you are my bodyguard? if well, come with me, i will show the place to you

man guied to zeke until a theater left in the outskirts. apparently for an auction of the low world and many families who will use that opportunity to eliminate with their rivals then,

you accept the work or you are scared?

the fear is for that they can to die I havent that problem

jaja you are graceful, I hope to you well tomorrow at midnight

the day of the auction I arrive, were reunited to the main Mafias of the country, apparently because a very valuable article that all wished to have. they spent two hours during which objects of incalculable value were auctioned, paintings, jewels, titles of earth property


now my invited beloveds, Aquilles I show the main article of our auction. qui this but the powerful bacteriological weapon never created, with this nobody will opposite to its power



bacteriological weapon? it hears of which it treats this, nobody said to me that they have something so dangerous


and what is the problem?


are you crazy ? that thing could to kill all the country







that does not matter to me, the only thing that matters to me is the money that i will win




piece of human dreg

zeke behead to its client with its own hands, the head of the man roller by the ground and callus in the scene, after which all realized, zeke under slowly by the stairs followed of the blood


they are the worst thing in this world, does not concern whatever to them die, only concerns the money to them,




then all aimed to him with their arms, but to zeke I do not matter to him and while it took one old sword that was between the articles of the auction said: IT WILL KILL THEM TO ALL the following minutes, were a massacre, were listened to the firings, the shouts of people, but the one that but was listened to was a full shout of rage and hatred. to the following morning the police found hundreds of corpses in the theater along with all the articles except the weapon bacteriology which was destroyed by zeke, the sword that use to kill all that only people, and two pistols in the world by its great destructive power

Once again, utterly lost.

This needs too much work. Try something less elaborate and simpler. Like a human or a freak. Because of obvious criticism, I cannot help this along in any manner.

Approvals: Zer0
Dis-Approvals: 2

I agree with Sirina. There's way too much work to be done on this and half of it, I felt like I needed subtitles. On top of that, you are outright copying Alucard in some areas and trust me, one Alucard is more than enough. I'm sorry but I would have to say:

Approvals: Zer0
Dis-Approvals: 3

All in all, this profile has a great many holes and issues. Please take into consideration everything the other admins and moderators have advised you on, and apply it to a new character. I think this may be a better option than attempting to re-work this one over yet again.

Also, I agree with Artisto in the sense that this character is riding the line - if not crossing it - of being an Alucard copy.

Approvals: 0
Disapprovals: 4