Don't know what the nicknames have to do with her real name, but okay.
What Jay refers to is a phenomenon called Purple Prose. It's when description has diarrhea and just spews all over everything. Detail is great, but too much just makes things too long and confusing. I wouldn't ask you to rewrite the sheet, but be conscious of it when you play with others.
I enjoy albino characters. Reminds me of Deadman Wonderland.
How many bolts do you normally carry? How many knives does she normally use?
I think I'm okay with the first ability, but the second is basically the same as a power higher level vampires use, so I can't approve of you having it at this point. I'm not understanding why the third power needs to be there. She'll get faster as she ranks up, so I don't really see a point to it besides being a tiny bit faster than other people.
What else does she do besides vampire murder powers? Her skills tell us as much about her as her personality or biography.
Have something against guys who're more fabulous than you, darling?
How and when did she leave the island? Vampires can't cross open water without assistance, so how'd she get herself a boat in the middle of the night?
What did she do after all of this? There's an 11 year gap between turning and her current age.