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 yōhei Wip

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Utsu
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PostSubject: yōhei Wip   yōhei  Wip EmptyWed Apr 17, 2013 1:36 pm

Have you seen the ova or read the manga. : finished both

Name:Yōhei (Japanese for mercenary. Alias only)

Race: non-supernatural human

Age:22

Gender:Male

Physical appearance: Yōhei has long straight white hair down to the middle of his back. He is about average height but his lanky appearance gives the illusion of height. His eyes are a whitish grey colour as a result of his blindness. His face is smooth and young with a warm expression on his face naturally. In a serious situation or in battle this warmness is instantly replaced with a cold expression of anger or grimness.

Clothing of choice: In non-combat situations he wears a white T-shirt and black jeans.
In combat situations he wears the hellaing uniform

Weapons of choice: ballistic knives (always on person) 2 FN 57 Belgian pistols loaded with silver plated, holy water filled bullets .(always on person) and any combination of these depending on the mission. A flamethrower. A sniper rifle (used only with specific trick.) Anti material rifle(used only with said trick) and a small device that emits a very loud high pitched sound that only his enhanced hearing can hear. Placed into the pockets of enemies if possible so that he can actually use sniper rifles by listening. Said device is remote controlled and can be heard by dogs and other such creatures. (Not vampires but werewolves probably could) the ballistic knives have bells on the hilt to help him know where they are

Abilities: extremely good senses especially hearing other than sight enhanced when he became blind. Brilliant marksmanship that makes it hard to believe he's blind. Proficiency with ballistic knives at close or far range. Proficiency unarmed (not enough to do any good against supernatural beings unless used in conjunction with weapons.) Can trick/disconcert people with his eyes. His main tricks being staring directly at opponents with a cold stare and looking the wrong way when fighting for instance he can fight facing the wrong way with ease or he can look at your left arm and then strike your right leg. He learnt to control his eyes despite them being useless so he could 1 look more normal in conversation and 2 for fighting. It is near impossible to sneak up on him as his hearing can pick up even the faintest sound even if surrounded by loud noises. He can isolate noises in his head to make better sense of the world around him and create maps in his head . He could even pick out different individuals breathing. However he cannot locate stationary,silent objects without using a cane or stone or something to make a noise. He has a photographic memory and can make extremely detailed maps in his mind that will stay with him forever. He also has 1 final combat ability. He can, while shoeless, sense vibrations in his feet. Not in a crazy I know where everything is with my feet way, just enough to help him understand his surroundings. As a result of this he avoids wearing shoes and finds them uncomfortable. He brings a pair with them in his satchel just in case. He is brilliant at chess and can remember the entire board with ease, he is very good at multitasking. He is also extremely intelligent as a by product of his aspergers and is good at all types of puzzles.

Organisation: Hellsing

Personality: Yōhei is extremely warm and kind. He is suspicious of strangers but not outwardly so. He doesn't mind excepting help when in need and helps others when he can. Even though he's a mercenary he isn't all that interested in money. Killing people he thinks are in the wrong is easy for him and he's not too hard to convince that someone is bad. Other then that he is quite intelligent. When in battle his personality quickly changes. He is still calm and collected but is extremely cold. Even to friends and allies. He tries to kill enemies swiftly and quickly. Opponents who are bad to children or women are the worst in his opinion and he tries to make such opponents suffer as much as possible. He will openly admit he's blind and it is of no embarrassment to him even though he could easily act otherwise. Yōhei has aspergers, though aspergers is a wide field of things he doesnt know exactly what hes got. Most famous scientists had some sort of mental disability, many had aspergeres it usually comes with advantages and disadvantages. His advantage would be his intelligence on an uncanny level, his disadvantage, extremely bad social skills. He finds it easy to talk to other people with aspergers but he is often misunderstood by people who don't. People see him as too open and he tends to say aloud when he thinks or reads and has intense discomfort when people sympathies him for his blindness, he also has a few strange habits, such as his extreme discomfort in shoes, despite this he is actually a very kind person and means well
He loves all animals except goats. He has no reason to dislike goats,he just does. Or maybye it was an indecent from long ago......

Biography: Life was difficult for yōhei. He was born completely blind meaning he literally couldn't see anything even changes of light. He was bullied at school. People would throw rocks at him or dance around right in front of him because he couldn't see. It was around the age of 6 that he learnt how to use his hearing properly. It was also around this time he discovered his eidetic memory. He could now navigate without relying purely on touch. It was 1 day during this time when someone from school threw a rock at him and he caught it! Everyone watching gasped as the kid threw another rock. Yōhei caught it without turning around. He thought that now people would stop bullying him. He was wrong. The kids pelted him with rocks with jeers of "can't catch this now can you!" He ran home crying before school begun, tripping on the way whilst his class sneered at him. The next day he walked into school quietly and slowly hoping against hope he wouldn't be noticed. He hoped for too much. He was pelted with rocks again but he didn't cry this time. Something inside him snapped. He roared as he tackled the boy who started throwing rocks the other day. The boy smashed to the ground as Yōhei punched him in the face until blood was drawn. He got up off the boy and opened his eyes giving cold,empty stares to the people around him. The children backed away from him and he was never bullied in his primary school again. At 12 he could nearly pretend he wasn't blind. His only concern was new places or new roadblocks that weren't on his mental map. He could compete in sports and live a more normal life. Between 7 and 12 also came the goat dilemma. No one knows what happened but he gained an intense hatred for goats. (Goat hatred will be used purely for comedic relief) he never got friends in primary school since the only reason he wasn't bullied was fear. He lived a mostly normal life, training his hearing and other non-combat abilities. At 16 he joined Hellsing as a member (Benny Giovanni if he lets me) saw him fight off a category f vampire with a brick.
Rp sample: Before yōhei joined the hellsing organisation he had his 1st encounter with the supernatural. The f class vampire had been stalking him for a while, he didn't know it was a vampire but he was getting freaked out. As they entered an alley way he picked up a brick and kept walking, it was a good thing he did. The vampire leapt at him and he swung around, crashing the brick into his head. Breathing heavily yōhei started to get up, so did the vampire. Yōheis brain whirred wondering how anything could have survived that. Yōheis expression changed, cold calculated and most of all, angry. He had trained in unarmed combat and a switch had been triggered in his head. He swung his leg behind the vampires leg and put his foot on the vampires head. At that moment a hellsing member who had watched since the moment the vampire got up. He told yōhei that what he was fighting was a vampire. Yōhei looked at him sceptically but the vampire tried to get up again, yōhei swung the brick down on the vampires head, collapsing it's skull in on itself.




Last edited by Utsu on Wed Jun 05, 2013 6:02 pm; edited 5 times in total
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Utsu
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PostSubject: Re: yōhei Wip   yōhei  Wip EmptyFri Apr 19, 2013 2:23 pm

I know I have some stuff to fix. Why he joined the wild geese,what he did for those 5 years. Rp sample will probably be changed completely but I'd like some constructive criticism so I'll probably turn it into a wip again after some feedback
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PostSubject: Re: yōhei Wip   yōhei  Wip EmptyMon Apr 22, 2013 8:51 pm

Sorry it took so long to get to this. I've been busy for the past few days, and I twisted my ankle a bit ago, so I've been resting more than usual.

I know this isn't a rule, but I always wonder what the deal is with people going by only an alias with no real name. Why? They're always Japanese, too.

22 is way too young to be hanging out with men in their 30's and 40's.

Description seems kind of short. Maybe add some small details, like scars, birthmarks, etc. Little details to give a more complete image of this guy.

Clothing is much too short. Geese "uniform" needs detail, since they don't have a uniform, as you said, and he could be wearing any number of various military garments. He's also not wearing shoes in his casual clothing. Not sure if that was intentional or not. Could probably use some white gloves...

Weapons need descriptions. Vampires would hear high pitched frequencies, since their hearing is far above normal humans and to the point of a beast; they turn into wolves for a reason. Your bells seem like they'd give up your position pretty quickly.

While losing sight would probably get your hearing to compensate and become more acute, it would not give you super human sound detection. So he's not going to be able to hear high pitched frequencies, locate a mouse in the middle of a city, or tell people apart by their heart beat (vampires hearts don't beat, also). Most of his abilities relate to combat or being blind. What does he do outside of all that? There's more to him than a blind soldier.

Wishing the personality would explain why he chose that name.

The Geese aren't a social club you can just decide to join. Mercenary work is illegal in pretty much every country, so he'd need some reason to join besides, "He felt like it one day," especially since he's blind. 16 is not an acceptable age to be taken on as a mercenary, either. Biography is too short in general.

There's no social post in the sample and I'm seeing all the weird Daredeviling that would be impossible for a normal person to do. There's also a 1% chance a blind human could take a D level vampire on his own.
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PostSubject: Re: yōhei Wip   yōhei  Wip EmptyTue Apr 23, 2013 10:28 am

I'll change all mentioned problems thanks. Except he trained his already enhanced hearing. You say he couldn't fight a class D vampire but sight is actually the least reliable sense. I'll probably take away the heart hearing cuz that's a bit much. I'll give a better reason for joining the wild geese cuz my current reason sucks. I was just trying to finish the rest of him. I'll put it back as a wip. I have 1 problem with your criticism. What happened to the memes? That was awsome
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PostSubject: Re: yōhei Wip   yōhei  Wip EmptyTue Apr 23, 2013 1:50 pm

There's not a real way to train your hearing. You can train yourself to listen more intently, and the blindness would probably make it more acute, but you're not going to be doing all the spectacular Daredevil shit. I tried to make one, but GIMP wasn't cooperating last night, and there was nothing I could find that fit.
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PostSubject: Re: yōhei Wip   yōhei  Wip EmptyTue Apr 23, 2013 4:53 pm

but he can't do much else. I've never read/seen daredevil, I just know he's blind. anyways he has to be able to fight in a crowd and isolating sounds in your head to distinguish them is actually possible. if it was just he's blind so he can't see and that's it he would be pretty useless. having said that I'll try to nerf his hearing abilities, it's just he can't do much else
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PostSubject: Re: yōhei Wip   yōhei  Wip EmptyTue Apr 23, 2013 8:17 pm

I'm not meaning that you're trying to copy Daredevil. I'm comparing it because he's blind, yet is a better martial artist and acrobat than most superheroes with sight. I'm not saying it isn't possible to isolate sounds and all that, but hearing heartbeats and a mouse in the middle of a city isn't going to be possible.
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PostSubject: Re: yōhei Wip   yōhei  Wip EmptyWed Apr 24, 2013 11:48 am

Oh yeah I'll take out those.I'm booked with exams and drumming practice so I won't edit for a while. Thanks again for bothering
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Integra F. W. Hellsing
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PostSubject: Re: yōhei Wip   yōhei  Wip EmptySun May 05, 2013 1:39 am

Has this been edited or no?
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Utsu
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PostSubject: Re: yōhei Wip   yōhei  Wip EmptySun May 05, 2013 5:01 am

Sorry I was supposed to turn this into a wip again,I won't be editing till the summer holidays
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PostSubject: Re: yōhei Wip   yōhei  Wip EmptyThu May 30, 2013 11:07 am

Changed the rp sample completely, specified the type of pistols used, scrapped the wild geese and decided to go for hellsing.
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PostSubject: Re: yōhei Wip   yōhei  Wip EmptySun Jun 02, 2013 12:04 am

Would you still like us to consider this a WIP sheet or are you ready for voting?
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PostSubject: Re: yōhei Wip   yōhei  Wip EmptySun Jun 02, 2013 5:45 am

Nah I'm pretty sure I've still got changes to do, unless you'll approve it the way it is now, I still have to specify my weapons, just sniper rifle isn't an adequate description and my rp sample is going to be a practice fight with Benny Giovanni, Stranded and Serras Victoria. Also I still need a social section on my rp sample and probably need to stretch out my bio and a few other things, tell me if I missed anything cuz I want the next time I say this is ready for voting, that it'll be 3 approvals
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PostSubject: Re: yōhei Wip   yōhei  Wip EmptyWed Jun 05, 2013 5:06 pm

I know this goes against my last post but I don't think I'm finished, I have a practice fight coming up for my rp sample. but other than that I'd like to get an opinion on whether this is otherwise finished. so please tell me anything I still need to fix and I hope I'm nearly there!
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PostSubject: Re: yōhei Wip   yōhei  Wip EmptyWed Jun 05, 2013 5:50 pm

I'll take it one section at a time then.

First off you didn't use the template we have for character creation found here: https://nightshaderpg.rpg-board.net/t1-character-template

Name: I'm curious what is real name is but alright then.

Race: "Human" is sufficient.

Age: Fine by me.

Gender: Alright.

Physical Appearance: Needs more detail on height, weight and ethnicity.

Clothing: Describe the "Hellsing uniform". I know what you're referring to but when you don't put in the effort to describe it in your own words I'm just going to imagine this guy rocking out in Seras Victoria's clothes...God help us all.

Weaponry: Here is the place that needs the most work.
1. How many ballistic knives?
2. Sniper rifle or Anti-material rifle, pick one and tell us what model of rifle you'll be using.
3. Flame thrower is likely to get you killed but there's nothing wrong with having one if you really want it, just be aware.
4. That homing signal trick has no chance of ever working (knowing where the sound is coming from won't help you line up your sights and thus you'll never hit anything). Along with that, there's no reason that vampires wouldn't be able to hear them. Once again, if you want them I won't stop you but don't expect them to be effective.

Abilities: Only thing that really had me doing a double take is the marskmanship bit. Unless its extremely close range or you're rolling with a shotgun, simply hearing where the target is won't let you hit them because you'll still lack the ability to line up the front and rear sights on any gun.

Organization: Whatever you say bud.

Personality: Acceptable.

Biography: You gave us a huge amount of detail on his very early childhood and then summarize his introduction into the world of the supernatural in a single sentence. Not gonna fly bud. How did this untrained kid fight off a freaking vampire with a brick? It takes years of intense training for most people to pull that kinda trick and even then they usually struggle. Also, why would Hellsing even want this untrained 16 year old kid? What good is he to them at this point? Going beyond that, who taught him to fight anyway? He's supposedly this badass knife wielding gunman. Where'd that come from?

RP Sample: Since you plan on using a Practice Fight for your RP Sample I'll refrain from commenting on what you have down here at the moment.


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PostSubject: Re: yōhei Wip   yōhei  Wip EmptyWed Jun 05, 2013 6:01 pm

All problems noted and will be fixed in time, however the trick would be to put the sound device in someone's pocket if at all possible, if not and he's in a sniper battle he'll wait for someone else to shoot and then shoot at that person with 3 bullets, one exactly where he heard the gunshot from and one on either side in case of movement. he does have the problem that he can't really confirm kills with a sniper rifle. the biography does lack on the whole joining he losing and stuff so that will definitely need editing, I'll drop the flamethrower, I'll edit the amount of knives and specify the sniper rifle. I'll probably completely change how he joined the organisation, though do note that it was only an f class vampire so it is possible, just difficult and unlikely. Of course I need to explain the training too. If all this is done to a high enough standard, am I done?
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PostSubject: Re: yōhei Wip   yōhei  Wip EmptyWed Jun 05, 2013 6:11 pm

First a little bit of clarification. I understand what you're trick is attempting to do with the sound device but those devices won't make up for a blind person's inability to aim. Take this rifle for example:

yōhei  Wip SpringfieldXS

Almost any gun has front and rear sights. To aim, the shooter needs to line up both sights with his target and then account for environmental factors. With the sound device, you can point the weapon at the spot about where the target is, but a blind character wouldn't be able to line up those sights. That's the distinction, you can point but you can't aim, and if you can't aim with a rifle you can't expect to hit anything. Shotguns on the other hand, normally don't bother with two sights because the pellets spread out over a wider range after being shot. Because of that, shotgun shooters are told to "point, not aim". With that in mind, I'd be ok with believing your character was skilled in the use of shotguns.

As for whether or not the sheet is ready, let's wait until the edits have been made and then we can discuss the finished product.
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PostSubject: Re: yōhei Wip   yōhei  Wip EmptyWed Jun 05, 2013 6:19 pm

Ah I see your point, but he can pinpoint the location by listening, he would have trained to shoot without sight and has thus developed this as a skill, his accuracy would be alot worse than a normal sniper but he's still not bad. Also, once approved I'm planning on getting Stein to improve his hearing even more to past supernatural levels, if at all possible.
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PostSubject: Re: yōhei Wip   yōhei  Wip EmptySat Jun 08, 2013 7:31 pm

Still working on this?
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PostSubject: Re: yōhei Wip   yōhei  Wip EmptySat Jun 08, 2013 7:39 pm

yup, just taking a break cuz I need to get ready for my college coarse
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PostSubject: Re: yōhei Wip   yōhei  Wip EmptyThu Aug 15, 2013 11:26 pm

Been over a month bud. Any updates on this?
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PostSubject: Re: yōhei Wip   yōhei  Wip EmptyThu Aug 22, 2013 11:33 pm

Locked and Disapproved due to inactivity.
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